Draining.

Life is wearing down on me. I'm upset. Very upset. I don't even know why. I've been tearing up for the last hour for nothing. I'd blame the essay for now. And the smoke I just inhaled. And the fact that I didn't get to eat my Maggi. All for the stupidest reason. But I doubt these really are the cause. I'm tired. I wish I was a smoker, maybe then I'd be able to manage my emotions. I wish I can just leave this sucky place. I wish I was in the U.K smoking pots with some fellow collegemates. I really want to leave this place. I'm not happy. I can feel my heart falling into pieces with every breath I take. Oh before I leave, I will show some dirty finger to those mothafucka. You suck, bitches. Hmmm how I wish I can do that. Penatnyaaaaaa.

And the boyfriend is irritating me more by forcing me to tell what's wrong. I don't even knowwwww so how am i supposed to tell youuu? gahhhhhh. kan lagi buat I nangis. haaaa pujuk balikkkk!!

Empty

Why on earth do people would want to invent report? i don't see the point of writing a report. do you? let's start a group in facebook and we shall name it " Abolish Report writing, They Are Of No Use".

Put that to side, I'm halfway done on my report. Hopefully I'm able to finish it by tonight so that I can have a time off from studying tomorrow. I need another visit to the cinema. I need to finish what I started, that is Inglorious Basterds.

Michael Buble's Haven't Met You Yet is pretty awesome. Got me through writing the report. Love Love Love Love.

I don't know why I typed love so many times. I'm just going with what cross my mind.

I need to go to a dancing class. Maybe a private one. I wouldn't want anybody to see me moving to Justin's Sexy Back during my first class. It would be a laughing stock for the whole year. Lan apparently know how to dance but he was too shy to tell me. Awwwww so cute. Okay now you have the privilege to be my dance instructor. Isn't that just super awesome? We would be the next couple in line for dancing with the star.

I've gained weight. Woohooo! Hopefully not too much weight. I already have enough fat on my body considering the zero exercise I'm doing. Hahah.

Okay, sambung report. bai.

Brain-freeze

I feel like my eyes giving up on me since I've browsed gazillion illusions and I managed to dis-synchronize my eyes n my brain. They don't work well together now. I see the picture of Jesus on the wall, I see circles going round, i see dolphins making out, arghhhh it's driving me nuts!

Now that's done. I still have a report and an essay to write. All due next week. First time writing a 1500+ words assignment all by myself and I think it's kinda fun albeit a lot of work.

AAR was alright. Opening acts were awesome. AAR was awesome as well. But overall, it's alright. We went back early to avoid the trafic. Haha. I cant upload any pictures cos apparently my sony cable is missing. Greattttt. pfft.

I like writing randomly, if you notice. I jump from one topic to another. Oh well.

I wanna go to Britney in Australia. fuck, i need money. oh yeah that reminds me, I need to pay the tuition fees tomorrow. Oh lord, there goes another 7k.

I have a spanish test tomorrow. Hopefully i won't faint. or vomit my brain.

Dolls

When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick
when I step out on the scene

Fuck that
When I grow up
I wanna have a cat
A big fat Siamese cat.

How bout that?

Exterior

What you see, isn't always what you get.

The reality didn't really register in my head until now. I can possibly lose my only family in a matter of time. I hate this fact. I hate whoever caused our family to become like this. I hate when people put themselves before others.

I don't think I'm ready for this roller-coaster yet. I refuse to get on it. Force me all you want, I will just ignore all the circumstances and act like I don't give a fuck. I'll cry in the middle of the night and pretend I'm alright the next day. Give me all the motivation you can but I don't think I'll get by. Stop telling me to be strong. I consider myself the first runner up for everything I've been put up with along with my mother as the champion.

I don't blame God for what I'm going through, no. There's a reason behind this. I'm sure. I just gotta have a stronger connection with Him. It's hard but I know I can. Allah takkan bagi ujian kalau dia tahu kita tak boleh handle. Reluctant as I may at the end of the you just gotta suck it up.

I envy happy families.

Thanks for being there sayang. I love you more than ever.

Sorry lah Jack

Kitorang memang macam ni. Tak boleh tolong dah.

Disagree

The boyfriend and I will be heading to All-American next week. Nah, we're not big fans of AAR. He's more excited to see Disagree cos they've been in silence for quite a while now. I'm just there to errr well accompany him, I guess.


I want a Bandung get-away, pleaseeee?

No, not another Newcastle. It'll be freezing and I don't like anything to do with shopping in the cold weather.



Bandung Bandung Bandung Bandung Bandung Bandung Bandung Bandung Bandung Bandung.


Oh yeah, my dad forgot all about the Melaka thingy and let me drive now. See, what did I tell you?